Sunday, March 8, 2009

Little Diggin'.............

Hey everyone,

I don't normally dig deep, not my style. But as some of you know, things have been heavy.................

I have had a lot on my mind with many of the online bullshit mini-series happening, between the likes of cuntbags like Shmandy & PoppaC, I don't know who makes me vomit faster or quicker.

But every now and then things happen in your life that puts the bullshit into perspective, and the realization that these twats are the last thing that fleck your soul, they are merely a distraction from what is real and what matters.

Life happens, it ends, you name it. It's been ending in droves around me lately, and with it goes my sense of security true, but it is what it is.

I came to find out last night that one of my closest friends on this earth, Kym , was shattered by a terrible thing. Her brother was murdered this past Monday in Chicago, Illinois. Not killed by some freak accident, not gone after a long and dreadful illness, murdered. As I said, perspective.

Then another dear friend to me, Panther as many of you know her, comes to also find out that one of her closest friends is going through quite the hell herself, naturally making Panther feel as she is...........

I never take the time to express my "love" as well as I do my "hate". Quite frankly, its because i am much better at the hate thing, let's face it. I am not very expressive in the whole love category, don't ask why, its just how I am built and I have learned to stop questioning it.

I am very capable of loving people, I know this, I just dont convey it often and thats something I gotta work on. I do it in my own way and by my actions, not by throwing the "I love you" around bullshit i see plenty of people doing on a day to day basis. However, even I know that I could use a tune up in this field and maybe soften here and there. I do, I so do, just not publicly and openly, that's for me.

He're an opportunity to soften, so with that, I love you Kym, I love you Panther. I know you ladies both know this, but hell, even I can appreciate thats it is nice to hear from time to time, and there's no better time than now I am afraid.

These ladies mean the world to me. Most of you are not familiar with Kym, but you are Panther. Let me make it very clear here folks, if you are fortunate enough to call this woman your friend consider yourself friggin blessed. I have never been more serious. She is family to me and one of the most loyal and caring people I have ever known. As I mentioned in my bulletin briefly, if you give a shit, perhaps a prayer could be said on her behalf...........

She's going through a tough time and it makes my heart bleed. This is a hell of a shitty time for her, for me, for a lot of us I am sure. So I decided to hop on and get out of my comfort zone. To publicly express something other than anger or disgust for a change of pace.

It's a lot easier to do the latter as i have learned. I am very uncomfortable with public shows of affection in any form and find it a whole hell of a lot easier to tell you to fuck off than to tell you I love you. And for any of those ready to analyze me, save your Dr. Phil analogies, I know why I am built the way I am built, I don't need to share the "why"...............I got my reasons

So again, just do mama a favor and keep Panther and even my girl Kym in your thoughts for me ok? I don't ask you heffas for much, so do me a solid.........

And for any of you thinking I have been abducted by someone with a heart, wipe that smug look of shock off your faces. Even mine beats every now again.........

EA

p.s. don't get me wrong, don't think for a second I have forgotten some of the bullshit some douchebags have caused and I WILL handle you, but when you matter to me a little more is when you will hear from me............